What My Past Lovers Taught Me

It’s so crucial to learn from past relationships and take the growth into new ones. In life relationships should only get better as you age and as you experience more of them. Some are lucky enough to have one lover in life and some of us, not as lucky. But nevertheless, each lover will have taught us a great deal.

Here’s a few things my past lovers taught me and what I expect from my now partner.

1. Never doubt yourself and your intuition.
I genuinely believed I was going paranoid at some point in my past relationships, I would question myself and my gut feeling rather than questioning my past partners actions. Many times I just thought I am overthinking things and I need to chill out when in fact I was right to think these things. I think it’s so important to love and know yourself when you’re in a relationship in order to be in a healthy relationship because if you don’t you can really lose yourself.

2. Always communicate your feelings.
I’ve always, always communicated my feelings, however I found it’s backfired on me many times. I speak my mind way too much and at times I felt I’ve compromised that about myself. Many times I feel like I could have said more, but hold back in fear that me communicating what I feel is negative as it’s always has a negative impact on my past relationships. However, having learnt more about myself and maturing in many ways, I’ve realised regardless of if it’s going to backfire and affect my relationship, I always need to speak how I feel. If my partner doesn’t respect that then he isn’t the man for me. Communicating is so important in every relationship in order for you to grow together.

3. Love yourself first.

I’ve always thought from a young age that I love hard, however I now believe you cannot truly love someone else unless you love yourself first. In pretty much all my past relationships I don’t think I truly loved myself. I found my partners would disrespect me in different ways and to some extent I would forgive them and move on from it, but that stunted my growth. This has now allowed me to become a better girlfriend to my partner, and I receive the same respect, equality and love in return.

4. Manipulation is real.
Don’t ever allow yourself to be manipulated in a relationship. As much as it’s easier said than done, manipulation is hard to get away from and does take time. Manipulation can happen in many ways, someone can mask who they are and later reveal themselves when you’re already deep in the waters, however you have to find yourself. Do not take the blame for things that aren’t your fault. Do not believe that you are the reason for failures of your relationship. Know yourself, your heart and your intentions. It’s important. No one can then manipulate you.

All of these things taught me something in my past relationships, some of which has caused me to break them off and move on and others (like me speaking up for myself) caused them to break up with me; however I learnt from all of these that they just weren’t the right person for me and I’ve chosen to grow from each of these relationships and they’ve made me part of the person I am now.

Have a beautiful Valentine’s,

Love, Naimah xoxo