It’s a day until Valentines Day! Some of us are excited and some of us, not so much. At a time focused solely around relationships and romance, I always tend to find this time of year is where people are constantly comparing their relationships with those that they see on social media.
In previous relationships, I’d find myself planning ahead from the 1st of January to discuss “What are we doing for Valentine’s day?” and always dreamt of a proposal on Valentine’s or on big holidays like Christmas and New Year (oh so original) – but as I’ve aged I realised how these dreams are based on what we see on a regular basis & although we believe it’s the epitome of happiness to experience these things on such a day, I can guarantee that on any day you’d feel such a way and it will be even more special.
I’ve had my fair share of “I wish that was me.” or “When will it be my turn.” But I am here to remind you, the grass isn’t always greener on their side.
The dangers of comparison
You spot a beautiful couple on instagram both with aesthetically pleasing images and you believe that a relationship/love like that would be amazing. But what you don’t see is behind closed doors, the arguments they may have, any infidelity, secrets and lies, trust issues etc.
The idea of a perfect relationship, or even a perfect life to be portrayed to the world can single-handedly keep people in relationships that they’re not deeply happy within or relationships that they aren’t safe in. A simple comment “You two are perfect together” based on what those people have portrayed to you can also make someone who’s being manipulative to their partner find ways to make them stay based on other peoples thoughts of their relationships. The reversal can also make someone in a toxic situation overlook the bad for the good.
Your own relationship is enough
If the only time you are questioning your relationship is around Valentine’s because someone was gifted something more extravagant than you – comparison has got you. There are many different love languages out there, some are gifting, some are quality time spent, but the love between you and your significant other should be enough. Extravagant gifts do not measure one’s love.
I’ve been there, where I’d receive expensive gifts from a previous relationship and my naive self believed it was a measure of the love he had for me. At no point did I think this person would have been disloyal, put my health at risk, take from me & be very narcissistic towards me. On the outside looking in, those around me thought the same that the expensive gifts & how much he would spend measured the love he had for me. Be careful what you wish for when overlooking what you already have.
Be open and honest
If your love language is giving & receiving material gifts – acts of service – words of affirmation – quality time or physical touch tell your partner this is something you like. Compromise, between both of your love languages so that you’re getting the fulfilment you need from your relationship to avoid further comparisons.
And if your relationship isn’t fulfilling you enough regardless of these things, it’s time you called it quits.
Have you ever compared your relationship to someone else’s? What reality check did you have? Share in the comments.
Wishing you all a lovely St Valentines x
You might also enjoy: What My Past Lovers Taught Me & What I’m Thankful For — Valentine’s Edition
NAIMÁH MCKIE 
I think at some point everyone has compared their relationship to another but I personally realised through my work many years ago that everything isn’t always what it seems and that has been the biggest lesson of life for me!!!
Great message to everyone out there, thank you 🙏🏾 😊
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Thank you dear for taking time to write from your heart… I am proud when I see children of my peer continue to contribute and speak out from a place deep in their heart. Yes, when love is extended it is something of value to receive and to give. So have a wonderful valentine day you are special
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